AS (Angie Seth): Tell me about The Sexy Brilliant Revolution and how it came about?
DK (Devina Kaur): Sexy Brilliant!!!
Sexy Brilliant is a self-love uprising that inspires and empowers everyone, including men, women, gender fluid, cis, transgender, and more as it is an all inclusive movement, to live a fun, authentic, confident, happy life. The philosophy is to overcome limiting beliefs allowing us to become a beacon of light and love.
My Craigslist dating addiction and subsequent cry for help led me to people who helped me get on the path of empowerment. Yes, believe it or not, in 2016, I found my life’s purpose. In short, whenever I received a text message from a potential mate: I would reply, “always sexy, always brilliant.” It kind of stuck! Through the years as a single parent, my struggles and my failures became my greatest gift. Imagine that!
I am still in recovery as embarrassing as it is to admit. I did not know I had a dating addiction and I share the full story through SexyBrilliant.com
AS: How difficult was it at first to change what was a devastating situation like divorce into a life long career of promoting positivity and strength?
DK: Breakups are one of the hardest life events that we go through, even more of a hardship when we have children involved. I am very fortunate as my former husband is a very big part of our daughter’s life. Even though the marriage ended in divorce, we continue to co-parent our child together to the best of our capabilities. Although we live in different countries, we make it work.
After the split with my daughter’s father, I was devastated. I felt like a total failure for not being able to make perhaps the most important relationship of my life work. As most of us who go through the end of a partnership do, I too blamed myself for the breakup of my marriage. Over the course of time, with the help of professionals, therapists, coaches, family, I was able to heal. In fact, I am still healing and to anyone going through a breakup or a divorce - take your own time to heal.
One of the ways I healed myself was through my habit of being constantly grateful to all of life’s events including the divorce. Instead of being angry with myself, I looked at the ending as a new beginning. Post separation, I used the time to get to know myself better, self-discovery, dating and sexual-awakening. Hence, the Sexy Brilliant Revolution was born!
AS: Tell me about your book first book in the Sexy Brilliant series “Too Fat, Too Loud, Too Ambitious" and why you wrote it?
DK: As unique individuals, we travel our own paths. While doing so, we often help others along their journey. To be honest, I am not a writer and never thought I would write. Really, I admit this in the book! My gift as is sensing others’ needs, connecting emotionally and then empathetically expressing the truth as I see it. One day, I was sitting in my business coach’s office. He suggested I share my struggles and my unique journey so I could be a guiding light to others who struggle with similar issues. My jaw dropped open in shock. I looked at my coach with my mouth open and said, ”Me? Write? A book? Are you crazy?” LOL.
That is where it started. I came back home from my coaching session and I thought about his suggestion. I thought it was impossible but then I changed my mindset to make it happen. What can I say, I am a doer so I do things. I just started writing. No plan, no outline, no writing coach.
Often, our biggest challenges are also our biggest gifts. Sometimes, it takes other people to see the talent we have. The best gift we can give ourselves is the gift of self-development as it’s one way to increase self-love and self-confidence. This is the reason for overcoming my initial “no way” to writing my books to help others.
The book “Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious” is about me looking to get laid on Craigslist. I mean love on Craigslist personals. LOL
I have been fortunate to have loved a lot of good men in my life and most of them were genuine connections from none other than Craigslist personal ads. The traditional dating sites didn’t work for me so I decided to weed out the d**k pictures and try my luck there. I share my adventures of dating addiction in the first book.
AS: How do you define yourself as a woman? As a full-time single parent?
DK: Hahaha! I define myself as an eccentric butterfly who is winging it on her way. I say eccentric because everyday I learn to love all of myself - my darkness, my fat side and my loud ambitious side. And this ability to accept and love all of ourselves is sexy brilliant.
I was not always like this. It has taken a great deal of self-work to acknowledge my worth and my limitations, and that all of me deserves love, care and respect. I love everything and all that I know about myself, this includes my food addictions, my dating addictions, my learning addictions. My biggest gift is my ability to laugh at myself. And this is what we do a lot of at home. My daughter and I spend a lot of our time laughing.
AS: What life lessons are you teaching your child? What do they think of what you are doing?
DK: One of the things I am proud of is teaching my daughter positive self-talk and empathy. I especially love how I am teaching her to talk to herself - with positivity, kindness and courage every single day. When I notice my 9 year old looking in the mirror calling herself fat, I gently stop her and say something like “your body is a beautiful gift. Instead, of calling yourself fat in the mirror, please look at yourself and see how beautiful your eyes are” or when she expresses self-doubt about doing something, I might say, “I am so proud of you for taking care of the dogs, you took the them out for a walk all by yourself.”
Right away, I affirm and make her look at herself in a positive manner. I want her to live in free will and to live in love first with herself and consequently with everyone she comes in contact with.
My daughter, my parents, my extended family, know that I am being true to myself. Often, living in love means walking the path never walked before. I am grateful for the support of my family in the best way that they can. ;-)
AS: On Instagram, Twitter and Facebook you really make every effort to put yourself out there - how do you think this helps others?
DK: It is very important to be and feel whole in our being, stay grounded and centered physically, spiritually and emotionally. As we all do, I too am evolving rapidly. I share the sexy brilliant journey authentically as I go through it. My followers see the changes in me and hopefully are just as inspired as I am to grow, know, accept all of themselves. After all, that is what life is all about. Evolution. Growth. Authenticity. Empowerment.
Let’s choose to GROW through what we GO through.
AS: How does this help you?
DK: I find the more authentic I am, the more empowered and confident I feel. This is inner confidence. Through my struggles, my vulnerabilities, my challenges, and my ability to overcome them, I empower myself and in turn others. We always first help ourselves and then others around us. We can only help others to the extent we have grown ourselves.
AS: What are the things you focus on the most?
DK: My personal mission is to be the happiest person I know. I focus a lot of my time, energy and emotions on self-love, laughing, and accepting all of myself. My ego, which is my ambitious side, also likes to show-off and has a constant need for drama and attention so I constantly have to work with this awareness and keep myself grounded.
AS: Can you expand that further?
Self-love is a prerequisite to happiness. In order to achieve this simple goal we have to constantly know ourselves, accept our imperfections for this very perfect state that we’re in. If you haven’t realized it yet, we are all perfect as we are. You are perfect as you are.
Authenticity is extremely important. If we can’t love and accept ourselves to the point we feel comfortable expressing ourselves, then we are living a life but a made up story to cover one of our fears.
Laughter is what we need to release tension and those feel good chemicals in our brain. I laugh 100 times a day. Yes, I keep track. LOL
But the most important work happens when we focus on self-knowledge and self-acceptance and personal growth.
AS: What’s the biggest risk you have taken?
DK: We take risks in many forms. Being authentic in all our vulnerability is taking risks. Every time, I go on a TV program or radio show and even writing my blog is opening up and releasing my true self to the world. One of my personal daily goals is to do one brave thing a day. Challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone every single day.
Just today, I was in the Sauna of a hotel innocently sharing the sauna with a man who was 70 years old. At one point, this man started masturbating in front of me. I was horrified, suddenly ashamed, and ran out of the shared space. Several minutes later, after calming myself down, I found I felt intimidated by the very thought of reporting the incident to the head of the hotel. To add to my discomfort, the hotel employee played down my whole experience.
I had to decide to speak out about indecent exposure or let my old self-limiting beliefs stop me. Would the police also minimize or worse sweep my experience under the rug? I decided to take the risk despite those self-limiting feelings. (Full story on sexybrilliant.com)
So risk is what we do on a daily basis. Proving to ourselves and our minds that we are in tune with our inner strength and inner voice that always shows us the right path. We only have to listen to our inner wisdom.
AS: Are taking risks important for someone to do? Why?
DK: Sexy Brilliant is about being daring. So yes, sexy is taking risks. Take small risks at first and as our inner confidence grows, this risk can be something bolder. It’s the only way to discover how gifted and talented each of us is.
AS: What’s next for you?
DK: (Excited) On the professional front I am working on book two on the Sexy Brilliant series as well as my own TV show.
On the personal front, I am dating myself and staying off Craigslist personals. LOL
AS: What is your most important advice?
DK: Know who you are. Be kind to yourself first. Love all of yourself by practicing self-acceptance. Give yourself the gift of healing through your sexy brilliance. You are the light!