Updated: Feb 4
Today, I had my annual lunch with my one of my former bosses, Nick. I worked with Nick about 15 years ago when I was starting out in my finance career. We always had a great working relationship.
Immediately after our lunch date, I received a text message that boosted my ego.
Nick: It was great to see you today.
Devina: You too, likewise.
Nick: Anytime you want to come back to finance, you will have a job waiting for you.
Devina: Thank you so much for your affirmation.
Nick’s compliment had a remarkable impact on my self-esteem. Although I assured him I would never be returning to banking, his recognition of my talents and expressing the value that he still saw in me, really helped me to raise my own inner validation.
The feeling of not being enough is part of our subconscious programming, meeting my old boss helped me recognise that I have much to unlearn and let go to feel enough.
Back to validation, so yes, I have been struggling with self-validation. I have been using social media a lot to connect to both new people and the existing Sexy Brilliant™️ community.
Recently, I noticed that every time I put up a post on Facebook, LinkedIn or Instagram, I actually go back to look and count the number of people who have liked my posts.
I know, I am embarrassed to admit this, but if I don’t write about it, I risk the very purpose of Sexy Brilliant™️ which is to be authentic—so I choose to share what I am going through in all honesty.
It is important to recognise that social media can have both a positive and a negative affect on us: it connects us to people but it can also leave us feeling isolated, and alone, since we live more and more in a virtual world.
After speaking to my therapist, I am challenging myself to bring more awareness to my mindset and to look at validation in a more positive way.
According to the internet, the definition of validation is:
“recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile”.
Here are 7 thoughts to remember when we struggle with not being enough and with self-validation:
1. Accept checking social media for what it is. We all do it and it is natural to be very aware about how others respond to us. Seek inside yourself to show you the best of who you are.
2. Self-validation requires us to be there for our own self and depend less on others. Everyone has their own baggage to take care of so why should we burden them with our need for validation?
The more we validate ourselves from within the less validation we need from the outside.
3. Loving ourselves for who we are, in our already perfect state is crucial. Love yourself more everyday!
4. You are enough as you are!
5. Emotions are never right or wrong and we always need one kind of emotion to function.
6. Praising your own self is key to self-validation.
7. Treating each moment, each thought, for its brilliance and being mindful and accepting of each emotion is key to being happier.
BONUS: Rising madly in love with oneself is another important step to knowing that you are enough.
Keep doing the things that make you feel good about yourself. Celebrate the sexiness, the dark side, the ambitious sexy person that we each are. Celebrate the ego. Celebrate the need for validation- because we are worthy of our own love and care.
It is okay to seek outside validation, and being able to acknowledge that we need validation from others and our community is a rather liberating. Keep practising inner self-validation, be kind, and continue to grow in love with yourself and your brilliance. Mindfully, one moment at a time.
You are enough as you are!