When we think of enjoying an interesting piece of art, listening to beautiful music, swimming in the cool waters of the blue ocean, or enjoying a delicious, expensive meal, we should never feel wrong about doing so. Experiencing the full gift of our senses is a blessing of being alive and brings meaning and joy to our daily lives. So why is it that so many of us feel guilty for having sexual desires or any desires for that matter?
Yesterday was a crazy day. I had a few emotional ups and downs (mostly downs), and the recovering bulimic in me ended up overeating. Although I pride myself on my self-control and my self-discipline, yesterday was an exception. I indulged in ice-cream and it was a conscious decision. I was dealing with the transition from another season ending, and there was a lot of excitement and changes happening in our home.
However, the very hectic day turned even more sour when I woke up the next morning and realised that not only did indulge in pleasure, I forgot to do my evening meditation. Not only did I forget my evening meditation, I also forgot to water the plants.
Sensitive to gluten and sugar, I woke up to itchy eyes and I felt miserable! I had over indulged massively, and the side effects were greater than itchy, uncomfortable eyes; I felt frustrated and guilty for failing to exercise more self-control.
There are healthy boundaries to everything we choose and those boundaries start with empathy for ourselves. We need to observe the impact of our actions and learn from their consequences. Just like there are healthy ways to eat there is also room for indulgence from time to time provided it is done with respect for balance.
Where things start to become an issue is when our over indulgences become destructive. This applies to all aspects of our lives. When our lack of control starts to impact our health, our ability to maintain a balanced lifestyle, or puts a strain on our relationships, it is time to take stock of who is really in control, us or our stress- induced negative thinking and our emotional triggers?
We all have biases about certain things such as what is right and wrong, but I know from time to time we need to examine our beliefs and re-frame them. Society, advertising, and parental influence have fed us a steady diet of what we need to achieve in order to be happy. We will be happy when we are thin, rich, married, have kids etc…
I constantly practice forgiveness for myself. Yes I made a slip up because I wanted to feel pleasure or perhaps because it was because of emotional excitement, or maybe it was the stress of a close friend of the family being hospitalised. Most likely it was a combination of events.
But the only thing I can do is RELEASE it and let it go by practising self-forgiveness because pleasure is not a dirty word and seeking pleasure for ourselves is both healthy and perfectly human.
So back to SEX :) Did you know that fat people can have awesome orgasms, so can people with disabilities, people who are short, old people… in fact most people can have orgasms and it is very good for all of us!
It is time to stop thinking about sex as something that only married people or deviant people are allowed to enjoy. Consensual, safe, sex among adults is so important for our sense of well being, our stress reduction, our immune systems and our longevity.
It is time to take the shame out of pleasure and celebrate life's sensual gifts in healthy moderation. Even if you are single, you can still enjoy a nice meal, a glass of wine, going to the movies, and of course a great orgasm.
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