Being born and raised in India, I was exposed to yoga at an early age and surrounded by the practice of it as a part of our culture. The modern western concept of yoga differs from my own experience. Instead of an association with calm, soothing music or the cleansing smell of incense, mine revolves around the hurt, shame, and guilt for feeling too fat, too loud, and too ambitious. My yoga practice began as a 9 year old, under the pressure of my parents who insisted I needed to lose weight for my health.
In my mind, I constantly heard their voices telling me that I was too fat, and if I stayed overweight I would never “fit in,” or worse, “find the love of my life.” I was treated as though I needed to be a different, better version than my true, authentic self. Being too fat, too loud, too ambitious equated to “not fitting in”, and that caused my parents much anguish so they tried their best to make me conform to their ideal standards of beauty. As a result, I struggled for many years seeking both their acceptance and their validation.
I know they loved me, but in the Indian culture, being fat excluded me from societal acceptance. I still have mixed feelings for my childhood yoga experiences because without them I would not be who I am today nor would I be writing this blog. I am constantly striving to forgive my early caretakers for the hurt and insecurity which they may have unknowingly caused me.
No parents are the enemies of their children, and neither are mine- this I know to be true. What our parents do for us is out of love and concern and their best of intentions. Sometimes, our parents make mistakes because of their own programming. I am eternally grateful to my parents and their presence, and my early childhood struggle is perhaps what led me to my Sexy Brilliant purpose. However, I still associate yoga with trauma because I was woken up during the summer holidays at 5 a.m. to go do the yoga park! Every day! My father’s military background resulted in a very strict upbringing, and yoga was no exception. Somewhere deep down the inner child in me still associates my aversion to practicing yoga with my parents for what at the time I perceived as pure torture! I know their intentions were good. It is my own uncomfortable associations with my past childhood memories that keep me from returning to my yoga practice and benefiting from the physical, mental, and emotional balance that it brings.
But consider this: we can only overcome our discomforts, and our limiting beliefs by being self-aware of them. We can make a conscious effort and choice to re-process the traumas of our past instead of staying stuck in repeated patterns of negative thoughts and behaviours.
All it takes is the commitment, willingness, and desire to change our stories! There are many ways we can manifest our destiny, including:
-Forgiveness
-Self-knowledge
-Self-acceptance
With every positive change that we make to our life story, our world becomes full of possibilities - we discover actionable steps and alternative options for our success and we open new avenues for self-improvement!
If you ever find yourself trying to deal with your own mixed emotions and past negative programming use the trademarked K.A.U.R process and get to KNOW yourself and your divine inner being for the true state of perfection you already are, and then practice RADICAL self-acceptance.
Much love always,
Devina Kaur™️
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