How did I, a once sad and insecure young girl, who felt fat and undesirable, thought no one would ever love her, ever become—a Sexy Brilliant woman.
A woman who’s confident in her own skin, appreciates what she sees in the mirror, and loves showing off her sexy, curvy body? How is it that I enjoy my white hair and new-found wrinkles? How is it possible to truly love myself this much? Sounds crazy, right? But it’s true!
I’m going to share my unique journey with people who, like me, have struggled, and who may not feel too great about themselves. We will see how I found my way to self-love and self-appreciation. I want to spread the word and help everyone find their own Sexy Brilliant path.
First things first: I had to realise a powerful truth about the world we live in. Happiness and self-acceptance aren’t good for the economy. That’s right. Big business brings in billions of dollars in the cosmetic, pharmaceutical, fashion, and “love” industries. The chocolates, cards, and gift baskets of Valentine’s Day, not to mention birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and so on—are all part of the huge commercialisation of our emotions.
Feeling unloved? Lonely? Unattractive? Sad? Here: Buy a new dress or suit. Have some cookies. Try this hair dye and wash the grey away. Grab some new mascara. Buy, buy, buy. Spend, spend, spend!
But what happens once we buy all the things? Spend until we don’t look like our true selves anymore? There is no end in sight to this madness because according to the corporations that benefit from our unhappiness, we can never have enough. After all, if we buy things to “fix” our loneliness, to make us feel more attractive, or to help us feel more loved, the fix is only temporary. Let’s face it, if we ever did have enough, these companies would all go out of business.
So what really happened to make me love and accept myself as I actually am? How did I reach my “aha” moment?
A few years ago, I went with some of my girlfriends to New York City. Hanging out with them one day, I was listening to them complain about not being able to find dates or meet people of the same age because of their wrinkles and laugh lines. They all agreed that men seem to want younger women to date. I told them that is so wrong. We cannot think this way. Let’s change the way think about ourselves so we never have this issue again. Let’s take pride in getting older and thriving in spite of the hurdles life has thrown at us. Let’s let our laugh lines and wrinkles add shine to our lives. Since that day, my outlook has changed.
Here are some ways I now handle ageing:
I practice laughing off the naysayers. I laugh at anyone who calls me old, fat, or any other seemingly derogatory adjective. That usually shuts them up. I allow no one to belittle me.
I have found excellent, empathetic therapists, coaches, and guides to help me in my journey of self-discovery. I am now my own best friend.
If I find “x” sexy but “x” doesn’t find me sexy because he thinks I’m too old, I think why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who’s not equally attracted to me? I move on to someone who appreciates my eccentric Sexy Brilliant self, or I take myself on dates and enjoy myself immensely.
Every time I pass a mirror, I make a point of admiring my wrinkles, my size, and my beauty. As we know, mirrors never lie.
I never take rejection personally; instead, I use it as an opportunity to grow.
I choose to look at the amazing number of fish in the sea. There will always be someone who finds my wrinkles a sexy gift, and who will celebrate them with me.
I don’t believe in ageism and artificial standards of beauty. No one dictates whether I’m attractive enough except me.
I have found that many younger people appreciate an older woman.
Living in the moment, meditation, and “going with the flow,” are other practices that help me stay mellow and accepting of “what is.”
I’ve had to stop my girlfriends from being self-critical, and have shared with them what I have come to realise. Look for younger mates, I told them. Ageism is just that: ageism. We spoke about changing our tunnel vision and accepting that the right people—the ones with their hearts and values in the right place—will always want to be with us whether we have lines on our faces or not. There is empowerment in accepting our inner divinity.
This is what I’ve come to realise: Happiness and self-acceptance never come from outside ourselves. They come from inside. They must be grown and nurtured like tender seedlings. And the best thing? Once we learn how to be Sexy Brilliant, when we discover our inner beauty, strength, and become self-empowered, it lasts the rest of our lives—through the good and the bad.
Best of all, it’s free and liberating. We gain a personal freedom when we learn to accept ourselves as we were created.
Now I have the precious tool of self-awareness to help me continue feeling good, even as I age. My life has been unbelievably exciting and gratifying since I came to this place of Sexy-Brilliant, self-discovery, and self-love. It’s great to be alive.
What I’ve learned as I’m maturing and my face and body are starting to show their age, is that our outside appearance is not a prerequisite to feeling good. In fact, I’m learning to love my imperfections. Getting to know and love myself has been extremely empowering. Getting older is getting sexier every day.
Let’s embody a new definition of beauty. We are perfect, just as we are, flaws and all. Let us rebel against society’s rules that say we’re not pretty enough, slim enough, tall enough, or whatever enough. We’re all amazing, sexy creatures.
In the conservative culture I come from, my journey toward self-love is seen as a revolutionary act. Join me in this revolution. Join me in celebrating our sparkling-diamond selves, our unique, beautiful Sexy Brilliance.
As published on www.elephantjournal.com